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chickensandwich:

pizzaforpresident:

i hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami

i’m telling grandpa salami that you were talking shit

(via daewson)





silvertongue-turnedtolead:

theannieplanet:

so im babysitting this girl right now and we’re watching tv and the satellite sort of cut out cause it was raining really hard
so i just said “thunder god if you give back our satellite i’ll give you ice cream”
a second later the thunder clapped again and our tv came back
the girl is forcing me to hold up my end of the deal so guess who’s making ice cream for the thunder god

image

(via tightvaginas)





kissesforyourloving:

prejaculate:

imagine if you had to wait until you were 21 to drink alcohol

not sure if someone from another country posted this or a very enthusiastic underage drinker

(via sniffing)





thefartsinourstars:

i don’t “dress to impress” i dress to depress i wanna look so good that people hate themselves

(via sniffing)





earthnation:

DONT GO THRU OLD CONVERSATIONS WITH SOMEONE WHO U USED TO BE CLOSE WITH

(via ruinedchildhood)





arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she used to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

(via pizza)